Sexual trauma, especially in childhood, is a profound violation of trust, safety, and identity. It leaves deep scars, often manifesting in ways that are not immediately visible but profoundly felt. Healing from such trauma is not just about revisiting painful memories; it is about reclaiming the sense of safety, secure attachment, and true identity that was stolen. This journey of healing is deeply intricate, involving the mind, body, and spirit. As a therapist who works with those affected by sexual trauma, I’ve seen firsthand the transformative power of presence—the act of being fully present with oneself and with others—as a cornerstone of recovery.
The Triune Brain and the Path to Safety
To understand the impact of trauma and the journey toward healing, it’s helpful to explore the concept of the triune brain. This model divides the brain into three parts: the brainstem (responsible for survival instincts), the limbic system (our emotional centre), and the neocortex (the seat of higher thinking and reasoning). When a person experiences trauma, especially in the form of sexual abuse, these parts of the brain become disconnected, leading to a sense of being unsafe, detached, and disoriented.
Trauma is, at its core, an experience of overwhelming unsafety that fragments and literally disintegrates us. A traumatised brainstem, always on high alert, can cause a person to live in a constant state of fight, flight, or freeze. The limbic system, overwhelmed with unprocessed emotions, becomes a battleground of anxiety, fear, and shame. Meanwhile, the neocortex struggles to make sense of it all, often leading to a distorted sense of self and reality.
Before healing can occur, the brain needs to know that it is safe. This is the foundation of the bottom-up approach to healing. Safety is the gateway—the crucial first step that allows the brain to reintegrate and begin forming new, healthier attachments, both internally and externally. Without safety, there can be no healing; with it, the process of reconnecting with oneself and others can begin.
Trauma and the Brain’s Hemispheres: Integrating Past and Present
Unresolved trauma often resides in the right hemisphere of the brain, where sensory and emotional memories are stored. The left hemisphere, responsible for language and logic, struggles to make sense of these fragmented and overwhelming experiences. This disconnection between the hemispheres can lead to a disjointed narrative—one in which the survivor feels perpetually trapped in the past, unable to fully integrate the trauma into their life story.
Healing involves creating a bridge between these two hemispheres. It’s about exploring the story of trauma with one foot in the present and one foot in the past, allowing the adult self to reframe and reinterpret the experiences that the younger self could not fully understand. This process, often facilitated through therapies like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), helps to integrate traumatic memories into a coherent narrative that acknowledges the pain but also recognizes the survivor’s strength and resilience.
Reconciliation with the Inner Child
At the heart of sexual trauma healing is the reconciliation between the adult self and the younger parts that were frozen in time by the trauma. These younger parts are often trapped in a state of fear, confusion, and shame, unable to move forward without the support and reassurance of the adult self.
Inner child work is about re-parenting these wounded parts, offering them the safety, love, and attachment that they were denied during the trauma. This process can be deeply spiritual, inviting not just the adult self but also, for those with faith, the presence of a higher power—whether that be the Father, Son, or Holy Spirit—to bring healing and restoration.
The Power of Presence and the Role of Non-Judgmental Support
Shame is one of the most enduring legacies of sexual trauma. It isolates survivors, convincing them that they are unworthy of love and support. Healing, however, flourishes in the presence of someone who offers genuine acceptance, love, and non-judgmental support. Being fully present with a survivor—listening without judgment, offering empathy without pity—can be profoundly healing. This presence helps to counteract the isolating effects of shame, fostering a sense of belonging and worthiness.
The Release of Somatic Trapped Energy
Sexual trauma often leaves survivors in a state of freeze—unable to fight back, flee, or even cry out. This uncompleted response gets trapped in the body as tension, a lingering residue of the traumatic event. Somatic therapy works to release this trapped energy by helping individuals reconnect with their bodies and complete the actions that were inhibited during the trauma.
The body holds the memory of trauma in a way that words often cannot articulate. It might manifest as chronic pain, unexplained physical symptoms, or a general sense of disconnection from one’s body. Healing, in this sense, involves not just remembering the trauma but also releasing it. By tuning into the body, by gently and safely exploring these areas of tension, survivors can begin to process and let go of the trauma that has been physically stored.
Three Stages of Trauma Healing
The journey of healing from sexual trauma can be seen as progressing through three stages: stabilization, memory reprocessing, and the creation of new narratives.
Stabilization involves creating a sense of safety and grounding in the present moment, ensuring that the survivor feels secure enough to begin exploring their trauma.
Memory reprocessing allows the survivor to revisit and reframe their traumatic memories, often through the lens of their adult self or with the support of therapeutic interventions like EMDR.
New narratives emerge as the survivor integrates their past into a coherent story that empowers them, rather than defining them by their trauma.
The Story of the Prodigal Son: A Metaphor for Healing
The story of the Prodigal Son offers a powerful metaphor for the healing process. When the son returns home, the father meets him with a kiss and wraps him in a robe — felt experiences of safety and acceptance. This gesture calms the son’s nervous system, offering reassurance that he is welcome and loved, despite his past. The father then gives him a ring, symbolizing attachment and belonging, and shoes, representing a new sense of purpose and direction.
In the same way, healing from sexual trauma involves restoring a sense of safety, forming new and healthy attachments, and reclaiming one’s identity and purpose. It’s about moving from a place of fear and shame to a place of love, belonging, and empowerment.
Reaching Out for Help
Childhood sexual abuse is a profound violation that leaves deep, lasting scars. But it is not the end of the story. There is hope for healing, for reclaiming the life and identity that trauma tried to steal. If you or someone you know has been impacted by sexual trauma, I encourage you to reach out for help.
My approach as a therapist is deeply relational, incorporating creative inner child work, EMDR, and somatic approaches to facilitate healing. You do not have to walk this path alone.
Ric.
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