Confusion is such an enemy of Inner healing. Inside I know when something is so terribly wrong. The instantaneous, life threatening feelings of panic. The weight, darkness and the nothingness of depression is so overwhelming, yet it’s the confusion that compounds the sense of helplessness and shame. Why am I like this? What’s wrong with me? I hide, I retreat, at best I eat multipacks of crisps! I intoxicate, I cut or go even further...confused, helpless, numb, isolated, hopeless.
So here’s the first slice of good news:
“Do not give up, our mess makes sense and our healing involves the removal of confusion. You are not mad and you are certainly not alone”
In my own life, and with most of us, “the backstory has power to influence the now story”. How we are now is a product of our back story. “The presenting past”. The previous trauma, the previous relationships, the result of poor choices (mine or my parents, teachers, spouse etc) and even the words of others. (BTW you have no idea, or have you?, as to the power that negative words have on us at a young age. Many people live a half-life through believing the critical words of broken parents and broken teachers - that’s probably the topic of another blog!)
So, the way you feel is real but so is your back story. For the vast majority we grow in power/self-agency, and hope starts to rise as confusion is defeated through the realisation that how I feel makes sense. That I make sense. That I’m not confused but in lots of ways I'm still weighed-down by the unprocessed backstory.
The second and best slice of good news:
“Your BACKSTORY only holds power over your FUTURE STORY if you run from your NOW STORY”.
It is so important that you find someone skilled at walking with you as you process your now story. As we step into a gentle, trusting, listening, loving, hope-filled relationship with the right person, then over time we experience the power of this “healing relationship” to help us overcome the impacts of a difficult past and build new futures. This is what good counselling looks like.
Take courage. Reach out.
Ric Wilton Counselling Ballymena