When the Body Is Betrayed: How Abusive Sex Changes Our View of Ourselves, of Sex, of Others, and of God — and How We Heal

There are wounds the eye can’t see. Wounds that burrow deep into the body, soul, and spirit — invisible, yet shaping everything. When sex is twisted into abuse, it doesn't just harm a moment in time. It fractures identity. It distorts desire. It leaves a scar on how we see ourselves, how we experience intimacy, and even how we imagine God sees us.

And yet — healing is possible. Profound, integrated, lasting healing.

This is the story of what breaks... and the God who restores.

The Breaking of the Mirror: When Abuse Shatters Identity

Sexual abuse strikes at the core of a person’s being. It is not just a physical violation — it is a betrayal of trust, safety, and the sacred. For many, the immediate aftermath is confusion. Over time, that confusion often settles into shame.

"I must have done something to cause this."

"I'm ruined."

"I'm not lovable anymore."

Long after the event, the nervous system remains on high alert. The brain reshapes itself around fear. Survivors may feel detached from their bodies, unable to inhabit them fully. Some dissociate — splitting off parts of themselves just to survive.

Neuroscience confirms what survivors already know in their bones: trauma rewires the brain. The amygdala, our threat detector, becomes overactive. The hippocampus, which makes sense of memories, often goes offline. This is why some memories feel fragmented, or why safe touch later in life may still feel unsafe. The body doesn’t forget.

But the deepest shift may be in identity. The internal mirror, once reflecting the imago Dei — the image of God — now seems cracked. Instead of seeing oneself as beloved, survivors often see themselves as broken, used, or unworthy.

Yet this is not how God sees you. Not even for a moment.

“I have called you by name; you are mine.” — Isaiah 43:1

Desire Rewired: When What Was Sacred Becomes Confused

Sex is meant to be beautiful. Holy. A covenantal exchange of trust and joy.

But when sex is distorted by abuse, the meaning behind it twists. Some survivors lose all interest in sex — their bodies go numb as a protective response. Others find themselves compulsively drawn to it, not out of freedom, but as a way to reclaim control or quiet the pain. Some turn to pornography, looking for something they can control — only to find that over time, the images grow darker. The content more violent. The boundaries blur.

This is the haunting legacy of corrupted desire: what once felt wrong begins to feel normal. What once satisfied no longer does. And the shame deepens.

“I don’t know why I want this.”

“Something must be wrong with me.”

“Am I becoming like the one who hurt me?”

But these aren’t just choices in a vacuum. They're often coping mechanisms rooted in trauma. When the brain is introduced to arousal in the context of fear or coercion, its wiring gets crossed. What should have been joy becomes confusion. What should have been mutual becomes about control.

Yet none of this is beyond redemption.

God does not recoil from your confusion. He understands what was stolen, and He knows how to restore not just behavior — but desire itself.

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you.” — Ezekiel 36:26

Seeing Through the Eyes of Others — and the Eyes of God

Shame is like a heavy veil. Survivors often walk through life believing others see them as tainted or defiled. Every glance feels like judgment. Every silence feels like rejection.

And even more devastating, many believe God sees them this way too.

Sometimes survivors avoid church or spiritual practices, not because they’ve lost faith, but because they assume God must be disappointed or disgusted. If the abuser claimed to represent God — as tragically happens — then even hearing His name can feel like touching a live wire.

But here’s the truth: the God of Scripture is not your abuser. He does not dominate, control, or violate. He enters into your pain — and He covers your shame, not with silence, but with love.

“There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” — Romans 8:1

Jesus does not just forgive sins we’ve committed. He cleanses the stain of sins committed against us. He dignifies the abused. He touches the unclean and calls them whole. He lifts the head of those bowed down by shame and says, “Daughter, your faith has healed you.”

The Walk Toward Wholeness: Healing Body, Soul, and Spirit

Healing does not happen overnight. It is a sacred, winding journey — one God walks with us every step of the way.

The Body

Trauma is stored in the body. It remembers. But God made the body not just to survive, but to heal. Somatic therapies, gentle movement, breathwork — these all help us reclaim safety in our own skin.

The Soul

The soul needs truth — not just spoken, but felt. Christian counseling, trauma-informed therapy like EMDR, and trusted community can all help to untangle lies that were planted in the dark. The soul heals as it is seen, known, and re-narrated in light of God’s truth.

“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” — Romans 12:2

The Spirit

God is not far off. He is intimately involved in the healing of your spirit. Prayer, worship, Scripture — these are not religious duties, but lifelines. They reconnect the broken heart to the One who still calls you beloved. Inner healing prayer can bring Jesus directly into the memories that haunt you — not to erase them, but to rewrite them with His presence.

And yes, even corrupted desires can be healed. The grip of addiction can be broken. What once felt confusing can become holy again. God delights in restoring purity, not as a return to naivety, but as a powerful reclamation of your story.

You Are Not What Was Done to You

Hear this clearly: you are not what was done to you.

You are not ruined.

You are not perverse.

You are not too far gone.

You are still made in the image of God. Still worthy of love. Still called by name.

Jesus did not come just to cleanse sins — He came to bind up broken hearts. He came for you. And even now, He is working redemption, even in places that feel too painful to touch.

“Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion… and everlasting joy will be yours.” — Isaiah 61:7

So take heart. The road is long, but it leads home. You may still carry pain, confusion, or darkness — but you do not carry them alone. God is not afraid of your story. He knows every part of it, and He is not finished writing.

He is the God who makes all things new.

Even this.

Even you xx